Silence reigned...

There it was again, this unbearable discomfort pinching her heart every millisecond, filling her with Nostalgia. "Oh god , pls make it go away. I need to breath". 

She gets out of the bed, but where to go in this long dark night. She sits herself back on the bed. There are thousands sentences repeating themselves in her head. She spoke out of aggravation "Ughhh please shut up, pretty please, not again".

After much dissension, One voice overcomes all.

"Close your eyes and breathe, It's ok..... just breathe. Why are you so angry? and why so angry with me? We are not two different people, I am within you, I am part of you. Listen to me, don't run away from the truth, look for the remedy inside the pain. So what if you lost the battle, admit it that you've lost and there is nothing you can do to win it back. It's over. Man up, stop feeling insulted and enough with if's and but's and maybe's. You have done your best. Somethings are inevitable, so why not make this the entrance of discovery."

After a pause....

"Let the ashes scatter in the air. Let this night take over the remainings of your pain, go ahead and break open, but till morning gather yourself. Tomorrow, you will find a morning inside you, waiting to burst open into light. It's time to conquer your selfish desire only then this darkness will change into light. This is the only subtle truth. Let it go".

She opens her eyes and finds herself in the same dark room. No ray of hope appeared in this time, it's as dark as it was 5 minutes ago. But the feeling of discomfort finally disappeared. She didn't need to choose between dark and cold, she accepted her defeat and chose moonlight in dark and sunrise in cold days. Nothing much changed accept those if's and but's were put to an end. No more sentences repeating, there was a silence reigned.

While closing her eyes, she confirms. Yes, It's over.

Xoxo

Invisible lines..

Very wisely, he said one line and it was wrong in so many possible ways..for an answer to her question he replied:

 "lets draw our lines beautifully and lets try to make them meet eventually".

Amazing how you can't see, she has no lines to draw, she is not interested in drawing lines, it's her standing on the other side of your invisible drawn lines.

Amazing how you can't overcome your residual bitterness yet you left her standing on the other side of your invisible drawn lines.

Amazing how you can't see the wounds of her vanity, you kept stabbing a knife into her chest and kept twisting it repeatedly with your broken words, too bad you still don't see her standing on the other side of your invisible drawn lines.

Why not align yourself with love, you wouldn't need to draw lines.

xoxo

The Convenient Love..

Yay..it's me again..!

I thought I would like to explain something which people often jumble together. Love, convenience and being in love with idea of love. So confusing, I know!

It's not easy to understand the difference between actually loving someone and loving someone for the sake of being in love! read up, this might help.

When prone to fall in love, we take all aspects into consideration like convenience, time, proximity and of course socio-cultural factors. The moment you start considering such factors and weighing out the benefits and possible detriment, be ready to face that you are looking for the convenient love!

Why should love be so easy anyway? it should be the most difficult thing in the world to do! So when you have worked hard for it, you know you deserved it, and when finally achieved, it should be cherished like none other. Love should be hard work, shouldn't be everyone's cup of tea, really!

Love should be like a voice of sanity in this crazy, selfish world, it should teach one to have patience yet leave no control over one's feelings, like an X factor. Something inevitable, something for which you are ready to exchange your life for. You'd travel the world just to catch one glimpse of that person, you'd do the impossible just to make things possible for that person. ...love should be everything but convenient!

You can disagree with me, tell me love should be easy..so easy that people fall in and out love couple hundred times in their lives out of boredom! some love eh!

xoxo

The House of Mourning

Today, 26 years ago one house came alive with a cry of a newborn child, this child was adored by the family and the house. This house has seen all seasons, seasons of feelings, season of births and seasons of departures. Today this house is mourning, someone left this house again.

When I was a child, I heard this house was haunted. There were plenty of creatures residing in this house; Humans, animals and the unseen creature. This house is known as "the ghost house", when I was in School, I was often queried for this fact, and hesitantly, I always said "yes, the house is haunted" and to tell you the truth it was haunted. My family has expereienced numerous times the paranormal activities taking place. 

This house has witness 6 births, but surely more deaths. I often dream of this house. My memories of this house are endless and my peculiar bond with this house can't be put into words. I opened my eyes in this house, spent cool summer evenings playing on the varanda and winter nights closed to the family.

Today after 26 years, the eldest person of the house has left us. My grandmother, because of whom this nest came into existence, she showered us with her endless love and wisdom. Today, on my birthday she has departed for the better world, I hope she knows she is being missed dearly by her children, her grandchildren, by her great grandchildren and even by the great grandchildren's children.

 The members of the house are grieving and the house is mourning along. I hope this is the last mourning this house has to see..!

Amman, may your soul rest in peace (Ameen)

Prince Charming

My heart melts every time I see him. Rushing himself for something which I didn't know, with ignorance which he always had but it never inflicted me. My heart skips a beat when I sense his presence, when I see him sitting in his car and driving away or when we coincidentally run into each other.

After much consideration I settled to tell him how I felt about him for years, but quivered. I wanted to tell him how my eyes follow him till nothing is left to be seen. I craved to tell him I want to be the most important part of his life and at least to be considered is already a victorious feeling for me .

I saw him again,I knew this was my chance to tell him about my unspoken feelings, but as soon as I reached the place where he stood strong, my lips were sealed, I wanted to share but couldn't initiate. After taking a deep breath, I embraced him without worrying who is watching and said " I want to marry you".

I heard him giggle and spoke softly "You can't marry the same person twice, a reminder to my beautiful wife".

xoxo

Lately on the "to be continue" mode

I will admit, blogging is not just filling up the text box and wasting your and other's time BUT it is an unpledged commitment, and unfortunately it seems I cant take time out to pour out my heart completely. I have been very busy with family, job hunting and somehow (god knows how) I have sprained my right hand muscle, so typing with a cast on my right hand makes the writing and thinking process a bit tedicious.

So much has been on my mind, which should be laudable, but I feel my life stands between me and my blogs. So my friends, till I firgure it out, you stay tune for something exciting to be told (and to be read).

xoxo

Her Dreams gone Sour

After many failed attempts of drawing a ninja and scribbling on my little red dairy, I attempted on something fruitful, writing my blog. Miles away from my apartment, without any modern day technology, my pen stood by my side.
An innocent yet a strong thought came into my mind, a topic which was running in my mind for years but words lacked to put it down.

Tied up in her tenacious memory, grasping the thoughts subsequently then reliving the winter chills; she decided to put herself under limelight again (with the assumption that it's perennial). "Why does this happen every Autumn?" why does she get winter chills in crisp autumn, making winter a lonely emotionless season to relive the memories. She hated the Autumn aftermath.
She sits in the distance and inquires the subdued silence inside. She took her time going through her past and every special relation, stopping at some red lights while running them over at other times. That's how life works anyway.
To conclude the upsurge of thoughts, she gives her sentiments reasonable grounds perhaps rational reasoning to explain the winter chills in crisp autumn. Those were her dreams, now gone sour....

xoxo

In Pursuit of Happiness

Often we go to extreme extents to fulfill our wishes, we cross all the limits to get what we want, we lie, we cheat ,we steal and we kill in return of a bad conscious and a heavy heart. Sadly enough, after doing all the above the happiness stays miles away from us, our never ending search continues because we fail to understand happiness is not a place but a road.
Just for the heck of it, I looked up Happiness on Wikipedia. Wiki is a good to get started but watch out for the bullshit information since there is plenty. Anyway, so Wikipedia describes happiness as follows (A mental state of well-being characterized by positive emotions ranging from contentment of intense joy). At least one thing I am sure of that its only a state of mind and nothing real really :) or at least that's what i'd like to think.
If we just stop trying to be happy, we might just be happy since it's only a state of mind in other words non-existing. Many of my friends are living with the assumption that happiness is a synonym of wealth, well I have seen this theory gone haywire more than a strung out gambler loosing in gambling. Some have suggested happiness is in love, yes love which is nothing more than a dying moan of a distant violin. What is happiness, I fail to delineate. The only time I was in "the mental state of well being characterized by positive emotions" is either when I lay my head on my mother's lap knowing this world could be a better place or when a child embraces me. That's happiness for me or at least my gentle persuasion of happiness..
If you are in pursuit of happiness, please drink up a lot of cough syrup (preferably with high volume of alcohol) and reminisce about something which never was. I guarantee a happier you. 
xoxo

So Humor Me!

After some peaceful days spent out of town, I'm again forced to sit down and think, think about things which aren't worth spending time on but the tragedy of life is or has been that I waste much time thinking about the past. Even the present isn't idyllic but I shouldn't complain knowing it could have been much worse.
So what I do to answer these tiresome questions which I never dared to ask? I find a perfect corner and sunk myself with wittiness with the help of a lot of caffeine.
Humor me? I 'd think so..Many find my sense of humor hurtful and others find it childish but that's how I cope with situation, humor is my armor..and for all of you out there, bear with me, I heard humor is tragedy plus time. As Abe Burrows says "Someone once defined humor as a way to keep from killing yourself. I keep my sense of humor and I stay alive." 
xoxo

Boxed In Man..

The first time she saw him, he was wearing a brown polo-neck shirt which was hugging his defined proportiante body and the dark blue skinny denims which made him stand out in the crowd. She came outside the building and saw him coming out of his car. His back was facing her, he gently turned around..perhaps he was searching the crowd in search of another person but his gaze struck and locked on to her.. He looks at her and smiles hesitantly, standing quietly and searching for words, words that initiate something special between them.
That very second they both had something in common, they both lacked words to break the silence and felt rushed. When nothing else made sense, they started walking towards each other.
When walking towards him, she was taking small steps, trying not to stumbble. His eyes were glued on to her, ocasionally taking a quick glance at her forhead and hair line but without loosing much time locking his eyes back with hers.
Few steps taken towards him was the longest distance she had come across. Though these few steps had changed something, he got distracted as she was coming nearer, his eyes were no longer locked with hers instead his eyes were once at her cheeks and the next second checking the surroundings. Her eyes followed his eyes, she takes a look at everthing he took a glance of, thinking if someone he knew had entered the scene or that person who is was searching has finally arrived.
Turning their heads from east to west and west to the northeast. After much speculation she knew what was disturbing him. It was the air blowing her hair on her face. His worried eyes were envying the air which was breaking their eye contact. She had to think quick to get back his attention and finally she saw the black elastic band on her wrist, without wasting any time she wore her hair up using that black elastic band and there it was, that smile which proudly showed off the indentations on his cheeks.
His right cheek had a deeper dimple than the left one. Much to her luck, this time his eyes were smiling along with his lips. His big dark shinny eyes had started to make conversation, the kind that she never understood. His eyes were conveying unknown indications. There was something about his eyes which she failed to understand, his eyes were convincing yet provocative.
His lips lacked words but his eyes had much more to suggest. she takes a deep breath and looks up in the sky, she smiles wisely, rising her right eyebrow, suppressing her smile. She points towards the sky. The clouds were gathering and the wind was getting stronger.
She takes the initiative to break the silence and says "I think its about to rain" following by a smile. He answers "Sooo..what do you suggest"..brushing off her top, looking at her flat white sandals then kicking the small stone in front, she replys "You wont have an umbrella would you?". "No" he sighed "I'm not from around here, I was hoping for a sunny day". ¨
She knots her head, turns around and leaves the scene..He stood there..watching her walk towards the building, the very moment he promised himself that this wont just end here, this can't be the ending, I have a long way to go but next time with an umbrella and her on my side.

12 years later...

Inside a cozy 4 bedroom apartment, he sits on his uncomfortable black leather sofa, finishing his pending excel sheets. He steals a sneak peak away from his laptop and looks outside the window. It was Autumn. The reddish leaves scattered at the front yard across the road always made him fall in love with this weather. He puts his laptop next to him and looks across the room. There she was, sitting on the sofa, sipping on chai. She looks at his face and there they were those smiley mysterious eyes, those eyes which said too much but never transformed the conversation into an understandable yet laudable words. She knew all along he was one boxed in man, never saying what she deserve to hear. All this time they shared a toned down white noise.
She smiles with relief and looks outside the window. "It's about to rain" She suggested. He sighed then adds "So I see, oh well I have an umbrella, lets go for a walk".