An Ugly Blames the Mirror

Confusing? It is I know but it's simple if your read from word to word, I mean exactly what I wrote.

Some days ago I met someone, I spent a lot of time with her, I observed her from morning till night, something like as if I was her shadow following her around. Won't go in details it only gets tedious. 

After a week I started to see her flaws. I quickly got annoyed by her attitude.

 Much to my annoyance, I couldn't see why her attitude annoyed me. It couldn't have been the age factor, we are the same age, it could not have been her liberality since I'm not intolerant myself, It could not have been background since that's the least I noticed about her, then what was it?

Then started a reasonable speculation, why.why.why..Till I realized her moody behavior, her fiery temperament and unfriendliness towards strangers bothered me the most. After finding the reasons, It was so easy to judge her every time she would come in front of me. 

But what I realized afterwards shook my soul. I started to realize she wasn't the only moody person I knew, I was as moody as she was, we both also shared temperamental similarities and shutting yourself to strangers was also something I also inherited. 

Sometimes it does take a mirror image like person who teaches us about ourselves. Sometime ago, for me she was someone I couldn't stand but now I look at her and think oh god please help me change myself.

Sometimes it take two to get to know yourself.

xoxo

Lions,Crazy Taxi Driver, Beach, Life...That's Barcelona.

Hola, Que esta?
 I told you Spain would love me :) And I loved it back. Barcelona was amazing, slightly different from Madrid but nevertheless magical..I was thinking of writing a brief summary of my vacation but after coming back I think I would need to write a blog on Barcelona itself..
We took a road trip, drove 1200 Kilometers, through France till we hit the amazing soil of Barcelona.
When we arrived in Barcelona, it was 4am and it was..Thursday to be exact but I swear to god it seemed like there was a big party and the entire Barcelona was invited..I couldn't believe it was a weekday and people were partying on the streets of Barcelona..and of course police running around breaking up fights.lol. It almost felt like Barcelona was part of an alien world, someplace foreign to the common eyes.
So my total stay was 5-6 days, we rented an apartment on the beach so we can get a nice tan ( not really) but we did tan any way. the weather was awesome. Although I checked the weather forecast for the week we were there and took some warm clothes along though it turned out to be useless and thank god for that.
Comparably, I thought Barcelona was in satisfactory condition. If I compare Oslo, London, Paris..I'd say Barcelona is very organized, affordable and it's a beauty additionally FUN..FUN..FUN..it's such a happening city that you can't get bored. Somewhere, some when, something is taking place you just got to have contacts.
This time I again had the privilege to sit in a taxi and I must say they have only gotten crazier with time, they drive ruthlessly as if they are invincible and the rest of the cars on the road are invisible :S
For some reason on almost every monument one can trace a sculpture of a lion, angles or eagles. I am not sure what is the significance of a Lion in Spain esp. in Barcelona but there is an unknown relation between these two.
Food, ok not many of us know this, well you might but 3 years ago I didn't know that there is a difference between Spanish and Mexican cuisine. I thought I was going to the heaven of Tacos, Quesadillas and Enchilladas..Huh..who was I kidding. All I found was Paella and Tapas and trust me I only ate enough to last for a week but fortunately Barcelona has an enormous population of Pakistanis therefore I was one happy camper in Barcelona unlike in  Madrid :) Love you Barcelona.
I took way too many pictures but I'll share only few since I don't have many of mine but mostly of the family members. BTW I used Sony Alpha 290 for my pictures.

España allá voy (Spain here I come)

Hola Amigos, Amigas
I'm thrilled to announce, well how cheesy but hey I'm excited so Psh..I am leaving for Spain tomorrow..Barcelona to be exact..I can already feel the mañana culture rushing in my blood. It has been more than 3 years since the last time I was in Spain but that time Madrid (the capital) was my destination. I was there for University purposes. One hectic week in Madrid is enough to make you feel like a real drudge, though there was something mesmerizing about Madrid which never left my side. I am ready to make another enthralling experience in charismatic Barcelona but this time with family :) 
I might post some pictures of Barcelona, depends how well the city treats us. Despite of the language barrier I think we might just do fine, I did take Spanish for one year, not enough to roam Barcelona (Though in Madrid almost everyone spoke English, except the taxi drivers, who always got me late for my meetings, but now I am convinced he drove the Taxi in circles just to get extra cash on his running meter, Grr). 
So wish me luck, and I wish you all beautiful summer holidays
p.s. I'll be back in a week. :)
xoxo

Life of a Water Lillie- Beauty in Dirt.

Isn't it hard to believe that such a beautiful flower can grow in something we otherwise would never touch, yes mud and this flower is Lotus, one of the water lilies.
The lotus flower is one of the most ancient and deepest symbols of our planet.
The lotus flower grows in muddy water and rises above the surface to bloom with remarkable beauty. At night the flower closes and sinks underwater, at dawn it rises and opens again. Untouched by the impurity, lotus symbolizes the purity of heart and mind. The lotus flower represents long life, health, honor and good luck.
In Egyptian methodology Lotus symbolizes Sun and rebirth. In India Lotus symbolizes divinity, fertility, wealth, knowledge and enlightenment, Lotus also has significant importance in China, Thailand and many other countries.
So much about the Lotus, why all the sudden a flower has gained so much importance that a need took place for a discussion..Well water lilies are like a lot of ground realities which we unconsciously ignore on daily basis. I wont go far as a matter of fact i'll start from my own house. I often heard a term used by my mother in law when commenting on something serious "Kammi kameen"  meaning the lower cast, something filthy and I often had to stare at her for few seconds to swallow the fact that people in 21st century still think like that."Kammi kameen" is normally referred to the poor people who do our filthy jobs or even to those who belong to a low cast of social satisfaction system, (Assumption is that the cast system was first practiced in India. Social restriction in India in which communities are defined by thousands of indigenous hereditary groups called "Jatis". From Bhakti school of thought the cast system was created by Hindu god Krishna). When India and Pakistan was divided a lot of hindu influence was brought over to Pakistan by the immigrants. 
And By the way, just to make is clear my mother in law is not racist nor hates poor, as a matter of fact I don't know anyone who does so much charity, she spends all her savings in helping the needy but that term "Kammi Kameen" throws me off. So you see it's the influence of semi-different culture which till date haunts our elders.
I almost started a new topic..now back to the original topic..so I see many similarities between water lillis and ground realities like cast system. The "Kammi Kameen" work very hard for living and if...I mean IF they succeed in educating their children then those children have the faith of water lillies. Those children having roots in mud and making their way out of the muddy water to breath in pure, clean  and scenic beauty. But there is another tragic reality about the water lillies, no ordinary person steps down in mud to pick those water lillies and same goes for those underclass, deprived and underprivileged children or in other words those Kammi Kameen. From a distance, people find their perfect spots to take a quick glance but quickly find another element to stare at. That's all those children recieve form us, some momentaneous stares.
xoxo

My City Karachi..City of Blood and Tears

Karachi..the city of lights and nothing else comes to my memory if I look back into my childhood. Going shopping with my siblings and cousins on chaand raat and buying cheesy post cards for friends, after much waiting, having my elder sister FINALLY do my mehndi (ironically by the time she used to get to my little hands, she was half asleep) waking up to a familiar exquisite scent of freshness and the smell of kachri ka keema, rushing to the shower and getting myself dresses in a perfect Eid dress and churiyan to go with my dress. I can still recall my hasty behavior to see my grandmother and uncle to get that fresh bundle of rupees before others get to it :) and yes I did get more than others (they actually did a great job spoiling me).

And the school days when my doorkeeper would be waiting for us outside the main door but cunningly, we eluded him to get to the snack thayllas (we were forbidden to buy snacks from thaylla) before he'd catch us. And the evenings of Ramadan when our chiri rozas would leave us incapacitated and that to compensate, we had to go to an Ice cream parlor right after the maghrib. Even then, the load shedding wasn't dreadful. It's actually added in my good memories instead of the bad ones. We had a very big lawn and a porch which is elevated from the ground, for us, it was quiet normal to step outside of the house and sit together with the entire family on the porch discussing the status quo (I was too young to do that instead I had the opportunity to catch up on some family gossip)...Sigh

Unfortunately, nothing in Karachi is the way it used to be, not the Eids, nor the Ramadans or that feeling of being a karachiette even the load shedding has become a painful saga. The food doesn't taste the way it used to, I think the magic of Karachi has been cursed.
When browsing through different news channels, the only news about Karachi is normally the breaking news about suicide bombings or the target killings and on good days merely about strikes. Is that all we deserve? even the suicide bombings don't give me goosebumps any more because it has become a norm to hear about the bloodshed taking place in Karachi.
In 1992, I remember hearing something something about something called "PPP" and something called "MQM", (being a 7 year old, it was fascinating relating myself to some famous abbreviations) these abbreviations were used quiet often in front of me, and also some wickedness about the abbreviation "PPP" but for that matter the more people spoke about these abbreviations the more it got confusing but from the surroundings,from what was being discussed I knew I wasn't safe, we weren't safe hence soon after we flee out of Pakistan. After 18 years the abbreviations are clear and in front of me for further assessment. Not sure who is the culprit and it's any way too soon to reach a verdict. However, I know who are the victims, I am a victim. I have lost a sense of belonging, I have lost my beautiful childhood memories and I have lost my freedom to roam around Karachi. I can't introduce my children to my birth city to my home to my past, instead the once known city of lights is now known as city of blood and tears..
God bless Karachi
xoxo

A Dedication

I can't and actually refuse to say much about this song or the singer except Atullah khan sahab has a magical voice and this song just hits the spot.

p.s. and the poetry in the end...wah wah wah..provoking.

Condolence: A Remedy..?

7:30 am, after running to the supermarket for a loaf of bread and coming home for cup of tea, I decided to go back to bed at 8:30 am. Day light never seems to bother me, my curtains are my saviors.
I lie down on my bed but the feelings of a commotion in my head, a rush of thoughts in and out left me distressed. I closed my eyes and a word started to make a bit sense. Condolence.
 Condolence: I had a perfect definition for this word though now its vivid, i can't seem to recall it after waking up but now the vivid dream like lines is what upsetting me. I know I repeated the definition twice or thrice before smiling, secretly patting myself on the back.
Now, I have no other choice but to rethink a new meaning of the word Condolence. You see, the words aren't what they always seem to appear. I mean someone out there came up with the definitions why can't I have my own definition- So I do.
For me condolence is not a form of pity or a sympathetic gesture instead..A remedy. I over heard my mother in law talking to her cousin on the phone, something bad must have had happen, I could tell from her tone but I chose not to inquire the situation and closed my eyes, after all 8 am(ish) not the time to question the mishaps. I knew she was consoling her, telling her everything will be ok though the worrisome voice of hers made me wonder if the person on the other side actually felt relieved after receiving the condolence. So at that moment I crossed questioned myself, is condolence a temporary remedy for a forged situation? and isn't this what we want to hear? think about it. Why is it so necessary for us to call someone at a odd time of the day and tell a friend/ relative/acquaintance about the spoiled situation knowing they can't help.
But if receiving a condolence does good to the other person then why question the reasoning. As they say laughter is the best medicine, condolence is the remedy.
xoxo

One Month Without You-

It has been one month since we have drifted apart..I chose to leave you and you chose to move on. No regrets, no turning back.
I am sure my absence didn't change much for you however, without you I am much happier. I can concentrate better, plan a better life and most importantly watch tv which wasn't the case otherwise.
Though, I often find myself reminiscing about you, the time I shared with you, the countless nights I spent with you..on all those rainy nights, I stayed home with you..yes I think I'll admit, I was once in love with you but now my love for you has faded away. I am better off without you.
Yes facebook It's been 1 month since we broke up.
xoxo